and i took the road less traveled by...

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence;

Two roads diverged in a wood and I

Took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Ever since I changed my majors from engineering to commerce, I was unable to decide what to study for my graduation because there are like a hundred fields which can be pursued after commerce. I had so many choices, so many complications. All two years of my intermediate passed like this, thinking I should do ACCA so I can go to UK after that easily but that was a like a very wild thing to imagine, with a high improbability. But when the time came for a final decision, I had to put my finger on one thing. There was B.Com in which I could have gotten a scholarship but I didn’t want to do that as I didn’t find it up to my level, such was my vanity, and same went for BBA leading towards MBA. I had settled for commerce which was lower in value than engineering so I wanted to study something which could bring me back up to the level of medical or engineering. 

I was in such a dilemma, what with my wish to study something prestigious and something which wouldn’t be a burden on my parents’ pockets. My brain has filtered all the minor details about what happened more, thanks to my poor memory, I just know I came down with my final choices which were Chartered Accountancy, B.Sc from LUMS or Punjab University. I took the entrance exam of Punjab University, scored really well which could get me into three departments there, but I shoved it aside, not wanting to go to this university. I didn’t even took the SATs, which was the entrance exam for LUMS because I just knew I wouldn’t get a scholarship and without it, I could never afford its fee, so I let it go, defeated. I wouldn’t know then what was in store for me. 

 

And that was when a mighty help came from Allah and I decided to go for Chartered Accountancy. Getting in C.A is quite easy and I didn’t had to give any entrance exam because my percentage in the previous degree was fulfilling the entrance requirement. The degree is one of the highest ranking in my country and all over the world as well. When I started, I had very little idea as to how it works but being in the field for some time now, I’ve become strong enough to tough it out. Chartered Accountants are rare and the study is three times tougher than medical or engineering or any other. There is a high rate of failure in this because of the technical and strict exams as this degree requires perfection, hence the rarity and high value. You don’t need to be super genius to pass the exams; students who pass know “how to study” and “how to study thoroughly”. I have seen toppers flunking and average students passing without difficulty but a larger percentage of students in this field complete it with many failures. I, myself, am among those hundreds of students who have failed quite a lot after attempts and more attempts. The first time I flunked, I wept for three days and it felt like the world has came crashing on me as it was the first time in my life that I flunked but afterward, I got used to it somehow but the excruciating pain and hurt used to be there every time plus the disappointment and the effort to not get disappointed and disheartened. 

   

There are quite a number of students who leave C.A without finishing it, dishearten. It was completely my choice, thinking this is the start of my pursuance of prestige. Who would have known how things would turn out? And here I am, sulking, smoldering, whining and wailing over my fate and fortune. I have always believed on the saying that “god keeps us where he knows we will grow best” and “everything happens for a reason” but when something bad is happening to you, all the motivating quotes and sayings seem hard to trust. There is no worst feeling then to see your juniors become your seniors and your own friends and class mates finish it way before you. It’s been three years now that I’m in this field, a time period in which I would have started my internship but I haven’t and I don’t have a clue as to when I will start because the start of internship means I’m halfway through it. 2 months before every final exam, there is only me and my books. My study time goes as long as 10-12 hours a day, no activities and when I flunk even after that, I’m left broken hearted. But I completely realize that if I flunk it’s only because of my mistakes and because I was a little less than 100 percent prepared just like those few inches from the red ribbon in a race which gets crossed by someone else.

It’s like my life is on a hold. There are some critics who say I’m not cut out for something this tough and dry but they shouldn’t judge me, they don’t know what’s in my heart and if i have passed even two or three exams, that totally means i can pass more. I’ve always gotten absolute support from my family which keeps me going but its heart rending to realize that I’m failing to come up to their hopes and expectations and for some time now, I’m feeling that all my courage to stand up again after falling is abandoning me and I frequently find myself weighing my options, which is another complicated niche, leaving me confused what to hope and wish for…